Attached - The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find-And Keep-Love

This is a very insightful book. Read it. Take the online quiz. Which attachment style is yours? If you or your partner are anxious or avoidant, you have work to do.

This book stands in contrast to The Intimacy Dance, which validates the dysfunction characteristic of so many troubled relationships. Attached starts from the understanding that is okay to depend on someone, that it is in our biological nature to need close intimate relationships.

Anger, Love Courage
from The Positive Mind with Armand DiMile

This is a great audio overview of attachment theory.

http://digital-magic.tv/digitalplanet/thepositivemind/audio-frame_new.php?movie=tpm_20140408&tK=ded1475e3affab95e7b302eacaa5a1b4&size=large

Anxious Attachment:

What To Do When Your Relationship Worries Get To You
Don’t let your anxieties overcome you when things look bad in your relationship
Published on December 10, 2013 by Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. in Fulfillment at Any Age
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201312/what-do-when-your-relationship-worries-get-you

Avoidant Attachment:

Signs of Counter-Dependency
When fear of intimacy is a driving force.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/theory-knowledge/201404/signs-counter-dependency
Published on April 11, 2014 by Gregg Henriques in Theory of Knowledge

“Sometimes you meet somebody and they’re dying to fall in love, and they’re dying to fall in love, and they fall in love! And the very act of falling in love makes them disappear forever because it’s just too vulnerable. So when a person disappears they’re usually thinking one of two things: either they think the other person is crazy or they think the other person may have a gateway to their heart. And so for the safety of their own vulnerability, they disappear.” – Armand DiMele on The Positive Mind radio broadcast

Meanness Hurts
Meanness is shaming, threatening, or both.

"Consider those who devalue or denigrate the self-esteem of partners when they fear abandonment themselves. The aggression of such meanness also can be used to evoke fear in another in order to raise the aggressor's esteem. At the very least, meanness serves to create a platform of insecurity in a partner and hides the perpetrator’s vulnerability and need for emotional connection."

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/intense-emotions-and-strong-feelings/201312/meanness-hurts